There has been a lot of press lately about a War On Women. And like any story, there is more than one side to it. One side says that the other is waging a “war on women” and is attacking them purely out of spite. The other side says that the idea that they are doing any such thing is ridiculous and nonsensical.
So, is there any such war? I believe that there is, but I will do my best to put out both sides and let you decide for yourself.
What things have happened that make people say that there is such a thing as a “war on women”? Well, there have been several things, actually. I don’t remember what order they happened in, but I don’t suppose it really matters at this point… The very fact that they happened and are happening is enough, in my opinion.
Let’s start with that great big mouthpiece who hates everything Democrat. This consists of everything that isn’t blatantly Republican. I am talking, of course, about Rush Limbaugh. In the not too distant past, he had the nerve to call a young lady named Sandra Fluke a “slut” because she believed that her health insurance through Georgetown University, where she is a student, should cover her prescription birth control. The radio shock jock called this young woman every name in the book and called her character into question by suggesting that she was a prostitute… This quote was found on the website, The Crimson Crow. “The conservative Limbaugh took to the airwaves Wednesday saying, “What does it say about the college co-ed Sandra Fluke, who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex? What does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She’s having so much sex she can’t afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex. What does that make us? We’re the pimps.” Their full story is available through the link at the bottom of this article. Note that Limbaugh draws a distinction between himself and his listeners on one side and “taxpayers” on the other… Also note that he doesn’t have a problem with the “taxpayers” footing the bill for his Viagra…
That which can never be unseen again! (Photo credit: gregoriusu)
Is Rush Limbaugh and his mouth the only reason Democrats are claiming that this War exists? No. If that were all, it might be very easy to overlook the whole thing. But it isn’t all and he isn’t the only one spouting crap and showing disdain for women.
What else? How about all of the Republican controlled states that are doing everything in their power to restrict a woman’s right, not only to birth control but to abortions as well.
I am well aware that abortion is one of those hot button items that very few people are undecided about. I have my opinion as I’m sure you do. Whether you’re for or against it, most people recognize that sometimes an abortion is necessary. There are times that continuing a pregnancy through to the end is disastrous for the mother and the baby. A lot of people also believe that a woman should have access to an abortion in the case of rape or incest. But in several states, it is now a criminal offense, even in cases where nine months of pregnancy means certain death for the mother. In some places, it is “simply” a matter of requiring the woman to undergo an internal ultrasound, where a probe would be inserted into the woman so that she would be forced to view the image of the fetus on a screen. After going through this procedure, she would have to listen to her doctor tell her about how an abortion would greatly increase her chances of getting breast cancer. Of course, there is no medical link between an abortion and any kind of cancer.
This article is not about whether abortion should or should not be legal. It is not about whether or not birth control should be covered by insurance.
This article is about why Republicans, predominantly Republican men, feel that they know more about women’s health issues than doctors. About why they feel that they know better about what women need better than they do. And about why they feel that they have any right to tell millions of women what they are entitled to under the law.
Why do Democrats say that Republicans are waging a War On Women? Because the Republicans are going out of their way to make it look like they are. Perhaps I am naive to think it but I believe that a woman’s health issues are best decided between her and her doctor. I believe that a woman should have the same access to health care and insurance that men do. If insurance, regardless of who provides that insurance, pays for a man to have Viagra it should also pay for a woman to get “the pill”.
I suppose that these healthcare issues would be enough to claim that there is an attack on women currently going on. But I’m not quite done yet… What else could there be? Oh, just stay tuned.
Another hot topic is the whole equal pay for equal work subject. Ever since women entered the workforce, doing the same jobs as men, they have been wanting to be paid the same as their male counterparts. It is something that women have fought for and been denied for decades. The longer this debate rages, the closer women get to achieving their goal, although the steps forward are tiny. Not long after he took office, President Barack Obama signed into law an act that was supposed to solve the whole thing, once and for all. The Lily Ledbetter Act is a federal law that was meant to guarantee women equal pay.
Wisconsin state Governor Scott Walker, however, signed a state law that repealed that Act inside the state. It’s not the first controversial law that Governor Walker has signed into law but it’s certainly one of the worst as far as women may be concerned. Ok… I’ll be fair. The law that he signed doesn’t repeal the federal law but it does make it nearly impossible for women who are being discriminated against to obtain any legal help. Not just women but gays, disabled people, victims of racial or religious discrimination or any other kind of discrimination.
This is a major election year. Americans from coast to coast will be headed to the polls in November. Like four years ago, a decision will be made about who will be the next president of the United States. Republicans are doing everything that they can think of to alienate women voters before the election. Of course, they are trying to brush it off as though it’s no big deal, and to them, I’m sure it isn’t. And I’m sure that they will do something between now and election day to try and make women forget about all of the things that they’ve done in the last six months or year. They’ll have to do something and they’ll have to do it soon. Women make up the largest part of the voting base. If they want to stand any chance of winning the election.
For their part, Democrats have done the best that they can do prove to women that they do not feel the same way as Republicans about all of these issues. They have done their very best to put as much distance between themselves and what appears to be the Republican platform. They seem to believe in a much more balanced approach to most things. Are they perfect? No, of course not. They’re human and they make mistakes just like anyone. They say stupid things in front of the press and do stupid things where people can see them. It does seem, though, that the mistakes that they make aren’t party-encompassing. It seems that the blunders that they make are more of an individual nature.
One thing is definite. Republicans and Democrats disagree about a great many things, such is the nature of party politics. But more than usual things like fiscal matters and social concerns, is the ever-growing certainty that is the basis for the subject of this article. There are many ways that it could be described but it really boils down to a couple of simple sentences, and here they are. Democrats believe that women are capable of making decisions about their bodies and lives and that they are entitled to full protection under the law. That they are entitled to the same protection and consideration as men. Republicans do not. They believe that women should have their choices and decisions made for them by some faceless bureaucrat far away and that men are entitled to far more protections.
I’m sure that you have your own opinions and thoughts about the topics I have mentioned here. I know that I do. If this article makes you think, if it causes discussion among you and your friends, then it has done what it was intended to do. Go… Consider what you’ve read… Talk amongst yourselves… But most of all, THINK!!!
What is the difference between being Homophobic and just Hating gay people? Well, let’s look at it honestly. A phobia, of any kind, is an extreme fear of something. There are many different kinds of phobias. The fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia. The fear of leaving one’s home is call Agoraphobia. It follows therefore, that the fear of homosexuality is called Homophobia. While not everybody has the same phobias, most of us have at least one.
What makes that different from hating homosexuals? This is fairly self-explanatory. It simply means having an intense hatred of someone because of something they have no control over. Most medical and psychological professionals agree that it is something that a person does not choose. It is, like skin color or eye color, something that you are born with. There are people who disagree and think that it is a choice that gay people make.
The problem is that lately the one thing has been confused with the other. Hatred has been posing as homophobia. The truth is that most people are not afraid of homosexuals, they hate them. In reality, straight people have nothing to fear from gay people anymore than they do from other straight people. Homosexuality isn’t contagious and you can’t catch it from close contact. Homosexuals do not “recruit” straight people to their ranks. Most of them simply want equal rights and to be left alone.
But the majority of people who are labelled as homophobic are actually haters. Some people claim that their feelings are based on their religious values. Saying that their religion says that it is wrong. I am not a religious person myself but I have a fairly good understanding of the Bible. True that this is the book of the Christian faith and is not in anyway indicative of other religions or religious teachings. There is another article on this site that discusses the Christian point of view in much greater detail than I can provide. However, I am not aware of any biblical passages that promote hatred against a fellow human being. It has always been my understanding that God and Jesus both wanted us to love one another and that He is the only true judge of what is right and wrong. Organizations such as WBC loudly proclaim that “God hates fags“. Is that true? Only He knows for sure.
One of the points that I am trying to make is this. Most people who object to the supposed “gay lifestyle” do so from a place of hatred and intolerance not from fear. Are any people really afraid of homosexuals? I don’t know. My opinion is no. I don’t believe that anybody is truly scared of them, they just don’t like them. Do all of those people really hate? No, not all of them. There are more people who are intolerant than hate, but the results are the same. Ask yourself this. Is the fact that the person living next door or sitting across from you on the bus is gay, affecting you in ANY way? Do you even know that they are gay?
The plain truth and purpose of this article is to illustrate the difference that most of us have been overlooking. We have been allowing intolerance and hatred, which is unacceptable in most circles, to masquerade as fear, as this seems to be allowable. We must stop this. Mislabeling a thing does no good when it allows something nasty and repellant to appear nice and proper.
There is a good movement happening on Facebook. It is called “Wipeout Homophobia on Facebook” and it has several thousand members and it’s message is spreading. The only trouble is that it is fighting intolerance not fear, contrary to it’s name.
I urge you to stand up for what is right. Redefine and challenge the commonly held belief in incorrect terminology. Don’t allow bigots to hide behind a mask of acceptability. If we don’t make this change, nothing will ever get better. I do understand that it does require a fair amount of courage and one must acknowledge the possibility that people may turn against us because they disagree with us. We must be prepared for this when we make our stand.
A lot of people can’t make that last step. But I urge you not to just stand aside and watch it happen. Whether it is fear or hatred it is harmful to everybody, not just those it is directed at. J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, wrote “Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.” And she is very right. The damage can and generally does affect everyone. In this particular case, it is not just the homosexual community who suffers, those who stand by and do nothing also suffer when the focus of the people who hate shifts. It is a small step from hating one group of people to hating another.
In closing I will just say this. If nothing else, don’t allow yourself to be misled and misdirected. If you didn’t before, you now know the difference between Homophobia and Intolerance. Even if you are unable to speak out, you don’t have to be fooled anymore and now you’ll be able to recognize it when it happens.
The It Gets Better Project was started by Dan Savage recently. It was started due to the recent suicides of six teenagers that had committed suicide due to the bullying they’d received for being gay, or being perceived as gay.
The project features a number of gay men and women in videos explaining that, even though teens may be struggling with bullying at this point in their lives, things do get better, that high school isn’t the real world.
To illustrate this, I want to post an incredibly touching video from this project. This is Joel Burns, a city councilman from Fort Worth, Texas. This man has courage, and an incredible conviction. We at HateTheHate.com are truly inspired and awed by Joel Burns.
In the past few weeks, there has been a great deal of news about the teens that committed suicide due to discrimination those teens received in school. Most people believe that this is a horrible tragedy, while a vocal minority have defended the bullies that caused these suicides. Of course, in between, there are also a number of people that have the following basic sentiment: “What a horrible tragedy. I know being gay is a sin, and horrible, and evil, but they shouldn’t have been bullied for it.” This is a dangerous sentiment, as it is where the bullying comes from in the first place.
On October 1, Dan Savage, of Savage Love fame, wrote a response to a letter that had been sent to him. The reader had sent Mr. Savage a note stating that she thought the suicides of the past month were tragic, that homosexuality was against the Bible, but that she’d never teach her kids that they were to bully and demean gays and lesbians.
The response that Mr. Savage gave was quite heated, and it was deservedly so. He railed against the attitude that homosexuality is a sin, that this attitude is what causes the bullying, the hatred, and the eventual suicides. He stated that when we teach our children these attitudes against gays and lesbians, we teach them to hate, to bully, to demean. And he was right.
So, why, when reading this response, did I get such a feeling of unease? I read the article a number of times, trying to figure out the source of my unhappiness with the article, and I finally figured it out. My problem was that the sentiment expressed by Dan Savage in that letter was very anti-religion, and anti-Christianity.
Taken alone, Dan Savage’s response to his reader would not have been a huge cause for concern. It would have just been the anger expressed over the senseless loss of the six teens due to bullying. It was understandable that he had directed his anger towards someone that used their religious beliefs to spread hatred.
The problem is, the rage he expressed had a wider range than just this one woman. His anger seemed directed against Christianity as a whole.
I write this as an open letter to Dan Savage, and to anyone that has decided that all Christians are anti-homosexuality. I also write this to those Christians who are using their faith as an excuse to treat gays and lesbians as second-class citizens.
The Bible does not give any right to do so. I’m going to give a little Biblical lesson in order to illustrate my point. I want to give an understanding of where the Biblical law against homosexual acts comes from, and why there should not be any enforcement of this law in current times.
When reading the Old Testament, and comparing it to the New Testament, you’ll probably notice a difference in the way God treats his chosen people in the two sections of the Bible. In the Old Testament, you might characterize God as being strict, harsh, or even cruel, while in the New Testament, God is a loving Father, willing to forgive our sins, and love us unconditionally. Many non-Christians have trouble reconciling the two different views of God, and use those differences to suggest that the Bible is flawed, or inherently wrong.
I offer another view. Think in terms of parenting. God, the Father, has a large group of children, known as humans. The Bible shows repeatedly that these humans have serious problems with doing bad things to themselves and to other people. So, like any good parent, God sets down rules for his children to follow. These are the Ten Commandments. Well, like most children, the people He handed those rules to found loopholes, and outright broke the rules that had been given to them. God, like any parent, was rightfully angry. He punished his children, and at their request, gave them even more rules. These rules form the basis of the book of Leviticus in the Old Testament. I’ll get back to those rules in a bit, but understand that at this point, humanity had not yet “grown up”.
In the New Testament, however, the perspective has changed. God felt, at this point in human development, that we had “grown up” as a people. Now, when a child grows up, and moves out of his parents’ home, the child is then able to have freedom to do as they choose, without being punished by their parents. The parents hope their children make the right choices, but that is, ultimately, up to the child at that point.
The same is true of God. We “grew up”, and God set us free. He gave us the ability to make choices in our life, and we don’t have to live under incredibly restrictive rules. When Christ died on the cross, he fulfilled the Law of God, and we, as humans, got a new lease on life. We were able to do things that we’d never been allowed to do before, and it was okay.
Does that mean we can live a life of lawlessness? No, we were told to live by two Commandments. I will explain what they are, and what they mean, shortly.
Lets get back to the old rules, and then compare them to the new rules.
Under the old Law, you could not eat lobster or shrimp:
Leviticus 11:9
” ‘Of all the creatures living in the water of the seas and the streams, you may eat any that have fins and scales.
Men could not lay with men:
Leviticus 18:22
” ‘Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.
Leviticus 19:11
” ‘Do not steal.
” ‘Do not lie.
” ‘Do not deceive one another.
Under the old law, your spandex-cotton blended shirt is a sin:
Leviticus 19:19
” ‘Keep my decrees.
” ‘Do not mate different kinds of animals.
” ‘Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed.
” ‘Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.
Trimming your sideburns or your beard was a sin:
Leviticus 19:27
” ‘Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.
You could take slaves from your neighboring countries:
Leviticus 25:44
” ‘Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves.
I could go on and on to make this point. There are many laws that God gave the Israelites that we no longer follow. You’ll see many Christians dropping by Red Lobster for a meal after church, freshly shaved, wearing a shirt or dress made from a poly-cotton blend. There were a total of 613 Mosaic Laws handed down to the Israelites by God. Yet many Christians today pick and choose which laws they’re going to follow or not follow.
Christians don’t need to worry about the sinfulness of these actions, because they no longer apply to our lives. We are Christian. For us, the Law has been fulfilled.
Matthew 5:17-18
17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.
The death of Jesus served the purpose of fulfilling the Law. The Law still exists, but in its fulfillment, we are no longer bound by it. But, if that’s the case, does this mean that we are lawless, and can do whatever we want? The answer to this was given by Jesus when asked by the Pharisees what the greatest Commandment was. Jesus replied in the following way:
Mark 12:28-31
28One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”29“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”
Further example of this was given in the book of Luke, to explain what “neighbor” meant:
Luke 10:25-37
25On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”26“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
27He answered: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
28“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
29But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
30In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
36“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
37The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
So, there are two commandments that we, as Christians, are to follow. Love your God with all your heart and soul. Love your neighbor as yourself. All morality falls into these two Commandments. You don’t steal from people, kill them, sleep with their wives, or cheat them, because that would cause them harm. That would show a lack of love.
The debate about whether homosexuality is a choice or is genetic suddenly becomes unimportant. If two men choose to love each other in the same way as a man and a woman love each other, that seems very much to be a fulfillment of Christ’s Commandment.
Our lives are not meant to be about hate and judgement. We are not to gossip and berate. We are instead supposed to love, to respect, to learn and understand those around us. In this way only can we truly show what God wants for us in our lives.
So, Mr. Savage, and to those that think of Christians as you seem to, please understand that many of us Christians are perfectly supportive of the gay community, that we love you as we have been Commanded to do, and that we will go out of our way to destroy the evil of discrimination, in any of its forms.
Those those readers that are Christians operating under the belief that homosexuality is still wrong, no matter what you read here, I’m looking forward to seeing you follow the other 612 Mosaic Laws starting immediately. Good luck.
In light of the recent bullying of gay and lesbian teens, which has lead to at least six well-publicized suicides in the past month, we are putting out a call to action for our readers.
The Trevor Project is an incredibly worthy cause. They aim to educate youth to understand that gays and lesbians are good, worthy people, in order to stem the tide of bullying in schools based on sexuality.
We urge our readers to donate to their cause. You can visit their website to get details of how to donate to them, but the following methods are the easiest.
Secondly, you can donate by text from your cell phone. To do so, text TREVOR to 85944. This will automatically donate a one-time payment of $5.00 US to The Trevor Project.
There are a number of other methods to donate as well, from stock donations, to foundation grants. Check out their site, and follow the Donate link for more info.
Together, we can end bullying of gay and lesbian children.
We have been hearing for years that bullying is a major problem in our schools. Our children seem to be under constant threat. Perceived differences between students in the realms of clothing, choice in music, hair style, and so much more have created a rift that has grown wider and become more noticeable over the years. In the 50′s and 60′s, it was mostly racial discrimination. In the 70′s and 80′s, preferences in music and clothing became the new topics for teasing. Over the last twenty years, bullies have used these subjects to pick on students they see as weaker along with the usual things like size, family income and popularity (or the lack thereof).
However, something else has become a common thread among bullies. Sexual orientation is a newer but no less despicable means of putting students under the tyranny of the school bully. In the last few weeks, we have heard of no fewer than 6 young people who felt they had no choice but to take their own lives because of the intense bullying that they suffered at the hands of bullies. Billy Lucas – September 9, Cody Baker – September 13, Tyler Clementi – September 22, Asher Brown – September 23, Seth Walsh – September 26, Raymond Chase – September 29. All of these boys have sadly died as a result of suicide. Suicides that were a direct result of discrimination based solely on their sexual orientation. All of these boys were young, much too young to be dead for any reason. Their ages range from 13 to 18 and they will never again be with their families or have fun with their friends. They will never fall in love or have families of their own. They will never graduate from college, or in some cases, high school.
There has been speculation that some of the younger boys may have “changed their minds”. On this point I will not speculate. I did not know these boys and I will not pretend to know how they felt. I do know that sexual orientation isn’t a decision, it’s not something that we choose. If these boys knew that they were gay, then they were gay and “changing their minds” was not going to happen. There has been further speculation that they were also bullied by people in their families. I will not speculate on this either. Once again, I do not know these boys or their families and I am not a journalist or an investigative reporter. The point of this article is not to assign blame to specific people. It is widely known that all 6 of these boys were the victims of public cruelty at the hands of their classmates and, in one instance, a roommate. Whether they were also bullied out of school is for another article by another writer.
We need to do something as a society to prevent this horrible situation from happening again. We don’t tolerate bullying based on race or religion anymore. Why do we tolerate bullying based on sexual preference? Is it because we hope that it will just go away? Or because we just can’t be bothered?
This is not something that will go away. It isn’t going to get better unless we DO something. We have to take a position of zero tolerance, to make a stand on the side of equality for everyone. We have to say that this is not okay and that we will not tolerate this discrimination anymore. We must do something to ensure that no other young people feel that they have no way out except suicide.
Now that all of this has been said, it is important to get to the other point of this article. The one that I referenced in the title.
As it happens, it is not only kids who are being bullied and not just kids who are the victims. There are bullies among the grown ups among us and sadly, some of them have a large amount of power and influence. These people are, I believe, more dangerous than school bullies because their reach goes far beyond the population of a school. Some of them have been given great influence by us, the people who listen to them, read their articles and watch them on television. Cyber-Bullying has become a big problem and there have been several perpetrators of it. One of them has been worse than the rest however. One who uses the fact that he is gay as an excuse to “out” others.
I am talking, of course, about Perez Hilton. He has said on more than occasion that “If I have to drag some people screaming out of the closet, then I will!” He seems to believe that he has the right to force people to “come out” whether they want to or not. Musician Lance Bass is a classic example of this as Hilton posted many articles on his website regarding Bass’s suspected sexuality. Or screen writer Dustin Lance Black who Hilton posted graphic photos of, again on his website. The link was later removed by Hilton but the comments remain.
When he was condemned by some for his tactics, he responded with, “It upsets me that people think what I’m doing is a bad thing. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. If you know something to be a fact, why not report it?”
To Perez Hilton. “Why not report it?” Maybe because it is not up to you to decide when or even IF someone should publicly come out of the closet. You do not have the right to force people to reveal their sexual preference publicly. It is not up to you to decide when someone should announce to their fans or friends whether they are gay or not. You are a parasite that feeds on anything that you think will cause your popularity to go up. You don’t care whose life or career you ruin as long as it increases your readership and ratings. You publicly denounced the bullies of the young men I mentioned above and yet you conveniently over look your history of doing the same thing. Do you think its okay for you because you attack public figures? Do you think that you are blameless because you only victimize adults and not children?
People like Perez Hilton make me feel physically ill. People who have a public forum from which they could do good and make positive changes, but use it to attack and belittle people are no better than the fecal matter scraped from the bottom of a shoe. In fact I think they are worse because at least the crap goes away once you’ve scraped it off where as bottom feeders like Hilton hang on almost permanently. Leeches like him will not go away until we, as a public, demand that he change his ways. The only way to do that is for us to stop reading his website and stop following him on Twitter. Don’t give him readers for his trash. If you know his email address, email him and tell him that his particular brand of publicity stunts will no longer be tolerated by reasonable people. Once he realizes that nobody wants to read his filth, maybe he’ll change. Or maybe he’ll just go away. Either way, we win.
Please send a message to hate spreaders like Hilton that we won’t accept his garbage anymore.
Please teach your children that tolerance of people of all kinds is not weakness. That it takes more strength to stand up for people than it does to bully them. Teach them that bullying weakens spirit and does more harm than can be seen and it isn’t worth the laughs. Tell all of the children you know about the lost kids and explain to them how and why it happened. Only by teaching them can we prevent tragedies like those of the last month.
Finally, we know of 6 tragic endings to 6 bullying stories. We have no idea how many there have really been, but I think it is safe to say that we don’t know of them all. These are 6 deaths as a result of one type of bullying but there are so many more tragedies as a result of other bullying and they are no less regrettable.
Let me say this in conclusion. Bullying MUST be stopped, in ALL of its forms, against all ages. Please take a stand. Pleas remember those six young men and stop and think before you say something that may cause irreparable damage. Please…
A few weeks ago, the popular but controversial host of a call-in talk radio show said something that upset millions of people, including the woman who had called into her show. “Dr” Laura Schlessinger said the “N-word” no fewer than 11 times during her show. Because I don’t want to be accused of taking things out of context, I will give a brief background. But first this explanation. When you see this lady’s name it will appear like this, “Dr” Laura. This is because she is not a doctor. She holds a doctorate in a subject that does not, in my opinion, give her the credentials or the training to be giving advice on a nationally syndicated radio program. Also, I will not be using the “N-word” in its entirety.
A lady had called “Dr” Laura with a question about what she should do about what she felt were racist comments that her husband’s friends often made in her presence. She mentioned that she was black and her husband and his friends are white. She managed to give only a few examples of what she meant before “Dr” Laura launched into what I would describe as a tirade about whether the N-word is an acceptable word or not. She mentioned that black comedians use this word and it seems to be okay when they do it.
This is, of course, both fact and her opinion. It is quite true that a great number of very prominent black comedians use this word and use it often. It is only her opinion, however, that its okay for them. Millions of people across the United States, Canada and around the world reacted with shock and outrage that someone in her position would use that word at all, let alone the 11 times she said it. Did they react because of the word she said or because she was white and therefore had no right to say it? I think some of both, actually.
I think that there are a great number of people who believe as those black comedians do, that its alright for them to say it because they are black but that white people don’t have that same right. I also believe that there are a great number of people, of various skin tones, who believe that saying that word is offensive no matter who says it. Personally, I belong in the second group. I don’t feel that your skin tone should matter when you are speaking. I am not black but that word offends me. I do not like it used in my presence and I say so when it is. I will change the channel or get up and leave if I am watching or listening to a comedian or public personality and they use that word.
I really like Whoopi Goldberg. I will turn her off if she uses that word, and she does so frequently. I have never heard him say it, but if one of my favorite comedians, Denis Leary, uses it, I will turn him off as well. I have turned off videos and T.V. shows and walked out of movies because somebody in them used that word.
The bottom line, is that this is not “just a word”. It was started as a derogatory term to put and keep black people “in their place”. It was meant to be and is an insult to black people as well as white people who think it is “just a word”. Non-black people react in very negative ways when they are called by “racist” terms but many of them don’t think twice before using one themselves. These are not just words. They are verbal weapons that we as human beings use to hurt and shock and gain the upper-hand. Its time that we stopped.
In the furor created by “Dr” Laura’s use of this word, something major was overlooked. The lady who phoned a call-in, talk radio show, had a specific problem. She called someone, who unfortunately, was unqualified to advise her about what she should do about a very real problem and very likely made that problem worse. She never did get a proper answer to her problem. As someone who listened to that program, and who developed a very bad taste in my mouth for having done so, I got the impression that “Dr” Laura was telling this woman that since comedians use it she should be okay with everyone using it. She also suggested that this woman was “hyper-sensitive” and, after she had hung up on this lady, said that she should not have married outside of her race.
To be fair, “Dr” Laura did apologize, sort of, and announced a few days later that she would be leaving her show at the end of the year. But do apologies really make things like this okay? Can we say or do anything these days as long as we say that we are sorry within a week? Or do we as a society demand better?
This link contains a recording of the original conversation.
There are those who support her. Sarah Palin, for example, took to the social network of Twitter to support her, saying “Don’t retreat, reload…” There has been a lot of talk about whether her First Amendment rights were damaged. However that argument is silly. There may have been fallout from her corporate sponsors and her listeners, but the First Amendment only guarantees citizens freedom from government interference. It doesn’t say anything about being able to say anything you want on a national radio broadcast without the public reacting any way they see fit.
The thing is, whether you like “Dr” Laura or not, we as a society have to take a stand and be vocal about things that we will not accept anymore. Will we continue to stay quiet while “words” are used to inflict pain and embarrassment on our fellow human beings? Will we finally, 47 years after Martin Luther King stood up for his vision of a united people of all colors, stand up and say “No more”? These are not “just words”, and the old children’s rhyme “Sticks and Stones” is wrong. Words can hurt me, and you, and everybody they are used against without thought of the consequences. They can hurt. They can wound.
The next time you hear one of those “words”, ask yourself this. What point is the speaker trying to make? Are they trying to be funny? Are they trying to make themselves look good? If you are not trying to be a racist person, wouldn’t another word work just as well? How would you react if your child heard that word? What if your child said that word? Would it still be “just a word”?
What is a disability? Does having one mean that a person can’t function in our world? Does not being able to see or hear mean that someone is less worthy of fair treatment? Should people who can’t walk be refused entrance to a store or office? Most of us would agree that, no, that isn’t right.
Quite simply, a disability is something that a person can not do. For example, someone who is deaf is unable to hear and someone who is blind is unable to see. There are many forms of disability but none of them speak to worth as a person. Every person has things that they can do and things that they can’t and none of those things mean that someone is worth more or less than anybody else.
Some people say that a person who is deaf or blind can not work. That they can’t go to school unless its a “special” school, and they are somehow less important than other people. Obviously that isn’t true, but it is still a prevailing thought in our society today.
It makes a person wonder… Since nobody is perfect, how can we justify thinking like that? How can we justify looking down on someone because they are unable to see, hear, or walk? Does it make us feel better about our own shortcomings and inabilities? Do we feel better as people if we run down somebody who’s disability is more obvious than ours? Do we really believe that they are less worthy or not as good as we are?
I can’t answer those questions for anybody else, but for myself I try to see beyond the dark glasses and white cane, or the hearing aid and sign language, or the wheelchair or crutches. I try to see the person and not the accessories of their life, just like I try to look beyond the clothes or haircut.
Like most people, I have role models or people that I look up to. One of those people is an actress I respect and truly admire. Her name is Marlee Matlin. If you know her, you know that she is deaf. That hasn’t stopped her from having a successful career and showing everybody that a disability is not something that should stop a person from pursuing their dreams. Ms. Matlin has been an actress for more than 20 years, from a starring role in “Reasonable Doubts” a legal drama, to a guest role on CSI:NY. She was on Dancing with the Stars and proved once and for all that deafness is not going to hold her back. I encourage everybody to watch her newest project, a pilot episode currently on YouTube, called “My Deaf Family”.
There are two other people that I respect who are unfortunately not with us anymore although their contributions will live on forever. One of those people is Ray Charles and the other is Christopher Reeves. Mr. Charles was blind and yet he was one of the most successful singer/songwriters in the last century. He was a generous and giving man whose love of music was a gift to us all. Mr. Reeves was a gifted actor until an accident left him paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair. After his accident he devoted himself to philanthropy and the progress of science. He was tireless and his refusal to give in to his condition fed his determination to walk again. Unfortunately, this was a dream he was unable to realize but he never stopped believing that he would achieve his desired goal.
These three people have inspired and continue to inspire me to be a better person and to not give up when something comes up that seems insurmountable. They could have very easily given in to their “disability” and not done anything for themselves or anyone else. I am very grateful that they did not allow something that they could not do to stop them from doing what was possible.
If we allow ourselves to see the person and not what they can or can’t do, we may just find out that we have been underestimating ourselves and the people around us. Wouldn’t it be a pity if we continue to marginalize and limit people because we don’t think they can accomplish anything or make something of their lives. When we base our assumptions on what we think instead of what we see, we run the risk of losing out on powerful contributions from truly gifted individuals who have quite a lot to offer.
In our society today, drugs and alcohol are available almost everywhere. Anybody who wants them doesn’t have to go very far to find them and they have become commonplace in many social circles. Addiction and alcoholism are prevalent in our society today, but how are those people who are affected by these issues treated by those who are not? For example, have you ever looked at someone begging for change and assumed that they were looking for money for another bottle, or their next fix? Have you ever looked at these people with disgust because “they are just too lazy to get a job”? You probably have and you’re not alone. But have you ever stopped and tried imagining yourself in their place? I doubt that you have, and if you did, you probably thought to yourself, “Well, I would just quit.”
The reason that addicts and alcoholics are looked down on, is because unless you have been in that place, fought that fight and lived that life, you truly have no idea what that person is feeling. You might think that you do, but I guarantee that you don’t. Why? Well, for the same reason that you have no idea how a cancer patient feels unless you’ve had the disease. Addiction is a disease, whether it is addiction to drugs or alcohol. It can not be cured. Ever. It can be arrested in its progression, but it can not be cured short of death.
You might think that this is a bit over dramatic or blown out of proportion. You might think that that is just an excuse for an addict to continue using. After all, cancer patients had no choice and addicts do. In a way, that’s true. An addict made a choice the very first time that they used or drank. They made a choice the next time and maybe a few times after that. But at some point, they lost the ability to choose and the disease started to decide for them. It doesn’t matter what a person is addicted to. Some people are addicted to alcohol, some people are addicted to drugs, and some people are addicted to both.
Addicts face ridicule and degradation. Their every thought, awake or asleep, is about that addiction. They are constantly focused on the next use/drink and not much farther. They use often, at great expense, and the cost is not just financial. Many addicts lose their jobs and homes. Even more lose friends, family and relationships. A great many addicts have lost their friends to addiction and some have even watched them die. Ask yourself, “Is that something that someone would choose? Is that a lifestyle that most people would want?”
But why do I say that it can’t be cured? Some cancer patients can be cured, right? Maybe that is true. But ask a cancer survivor if they are afraid that they might find a lump or see something on an x-ray that shouldn’t be there. That fear never completely leaves them, not entirely.
Can addicts quit? Of course they can. They can stop using drugs. They can stop drinking. They can go to rehab or go to meetings. But the fact is that they will always be an addict or an alcoholic. As an analogy of what I’m saying, think of a pickle. Yes, a pickle. A pickle does not start out as a pickle, it begins as a cucumber. We’ll call this cucumber a non-addict, but then we’re going to put it in a barrel with more cucumbers and fill that barrel with brine. We’re going to call that brine addiction and soak that cucumber in it for a while. Now lets open up that barrel and get our cucumber out. What? It isn’t a cucumber anymore? Why not? Simple. The brine has changed our cucumber into a pickle. We’ll call this pickle an addict. Can we make our pickle change back into a cucumber? No, it will always be a pickle. We can take it out of the brine but our cucumber will never be the same. The same is true for addicts. They can stop using and get clean but they will always be an addict.
Really, nothing stands between a recovering addict and their addiction. Once again we have choice. While an addict is in the center of their addiction they can’t see any way for themselves to change and they can’t see a choice. Some commit suicide to get away from the pull of their disease. Some manage to find help through programs like Alcoholics/Narcotics Anonymous. Programs like those are designed to help the still using addict find the sanity of clean time and sobriety. They have support systems in place to help the recovering addict stay clean and sober. Hundreds of thousands of people around the world have sought the help of these programs and ones like them. Some have managed to stay clean and some have lost the fight with their addiction. Make no mistake. Addiction is a progressive disease that affects every area of an addicts life. It affects the people who are in that person’s life. All of them. Parents have lost children, children have lost parents, brothers and sisters have lost each other, and many, many people have lost friends. It is progressive. It is powerful. And for the addict who is unable to stop, it is fatal.
Still think its a choice?
The next time you see an addict or an alcoholic, remember what you have read here. Remember that the person you see is a daughter or son. A brother or sister. A friend. Remember that they made a bad decision once and it brought them to a place that they never wanted to be. Ask yourself if the person you see really chose to be in the position that they are in. Do they really deserve your scorn or would kindness be a better reaction?
I am a recovering addict. I was lucky that I had people in my life who believed in me. I am constantly fighting cravings for my favorite drug. The only thing that is keeping me clean is the love I have for my family. I am the only one who can keep me clean. I am the only one who can cause me to give in. I don’t want or need pity. But a little kindness and an attempt at understanding is never a bad thing. Try that instead.
